DAY 83

A rally was held in downtown Howell today, in support of people of color who are protesting violence and injustice. The details of the event were a little sketchy. I was not sure who was organizing it, or if in fact, anyone was organizing it. Rumors were being circulated on social media about possible agitators coming in to disrupt the rally. There were also rumors about a group that was planning to have members present to assist law enforcement if necessary. The Howell police department advised businesses to close early or not open at all.

When I drove through town at about 9:00 in the morning there were several men milling around the war memorial in front of the courthouse, but I did not see anyone carrying weapons. I read a few posts on Facebook advising white people to avoid any protests that are not organized by Black Lives Matter or similar groups, and not to try and make this about us. One writer offered the opinion that white people in Howell Michigan were just trying to assuage our guilt over the history of our town, that a protest here was nothing more than performative. I gave a lot of consideration to these ideas before deciding whether I wanted to participate. I finally decided that we have to speak out. White people have been silent for too long. It is not enough to sit back and let the oppressed do all of the protesting.  I felt a deep need to show up and voice my anger and frustration over the ongoing crimes committed against my fellow human beings. And I wanted to set an example for Miss Nine.

We drove through town at about noon to see if anything was actually happening. There were about thirty people gathered in front of the courthouse. They were holding signs, wearing masks, and all was peaceful. We got our signs and sat on a bench for a few minutes while I talked to her about what was going on, then we joined the line of folks near the street. In addition to the people actively participating, about another twenty or thirty were just hanging around on the courthouse lawn, watching. Mind you, these were all white people, no one of color that I could see. Many drivers passing us honked and waved in support. At least one that I saw gave us the finger. We stayed for about an hour and went home.

I drove through town a couple of times later in the afternoon while running errands. By dinner time a hundred or more people were gathered, including a few African Americans, with not a sign of any problems. I read in the paper later that there were a couple of altercations between protesters and at least one bystander. One arrest was made, a young man who showed a gun as he drove by.

 I watched a video that Ellen Degeneres posted on Facebook. She talked about the protests going on around the world and the role that whites should or should not take. She made the observation that maybe some people don't say anything because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. She asked her coworker, Twitch for his take on the situation. He said, "don't worry about saying the wrong thing, just say something. Speak up when you see or hear injustice." I thought about the times in my life when I have heard a racist joke or remark and stayed silent rather than calling the person out for it. I will never, ever do that again. We should not need people who are being oppressed to teach us how to respond to these things, but I am taking Twitch's advice to heart.

DAY 82

I feel as though I am watching something unfolding. Something so incredibly important, profound, and life-altering. Around the world, ongoing protests in the aftermath of the murder of George Floyd are bringing to the surface the long-overdue need for change in this country. I have watched videos of police and national guardsmen kneeling with protesters in solidarity. People of all races marching together, crying out for justice, for an end to the ugly reality of life in America for those of color.

That this is happening in the midst of a global pandemic is no accident. We have been feeling the frustration, uncertainty, and fear tied to covid-19 for months. We have watched the people who are supposed to lead us fail to do what is necessary to make us safer, putting their political ambitions first. Watching one more black man basically lynched for all to see and the slow response by authorities has pushed us over the edge. An edge that we should have been pushed over centuries ago. 

I watched a video last night, made by an African American gentleman who lives here in the town of Howell. He talked about how he and his family have lived here for several years, and that he has felt nothing but acceptance in this community. Hearing this filled my heart with joy. Knowing that despite the history of Howell this man and his family have found a home here shows me that there is hope. Hope for all of us to live kinder, more peaceful lives.

Evidently, there is a protest planned for tomorrow in downtown Howell. I will suit up, show up, and show my support for those who have lived in fear and oppression for far too long.

DAY 81

Governor Whitmer announced today that she is lifting the stay at home order, effective next week, easing restrictions on businesses. Restaurants will be allowed to offer indoor seating, with social distancing guidelines. Stores will be able to have customers come in without an appointment. Many people are thrilled with this news, and many are concerned about the possibility of an increase in COVID-19 cases. I hope that folks will continue to take every precaution so that we do not end up back in lockdown in the future. I really want our children to be able to go back to school in the fall. My sanity and serenity depend on it.

DAY 80

I have not been able to write for days. It should be quite enough that we are suffering a worldwide tragedy like nothing else in our lifetime. But no, evidently it is not. The shocking death of yet one more African American is tearing this country apart. George Floyd was murdered by a Minneapolis Police officer while three other officers stood by and watched. The man was handcuffed, on the ground, on his face. Yet Derek Chauvin deemed it necessary to kneel on his neck for nine minutes. Nine minutes while George Floyd pleaded that he could not breathe, crying for his mother. After six minutes George Floyd stopped struggling. He was dead, but Derek Chauvin continued to kneel on his neck. Several bystanders videotaped this travesty. I refuse to watch the video. I just cannot have that image in my brain.

The four officers were fired, but no arrests were made for five long days. Finally, Derek Chauvin was charged with third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter. The three officers who stood by while George Floyd was murdered have not been charged. The protests, the outrage, the horror, are being expressed around the world. Night after night in cities all across America and around the world, people have gathered. Wearing masks, carrying signs saying "Justice for George Floyd", "Black Lives Matter", "I can't breathe". Today the supposed leader of the free world had peaceful protestors teargassed so that he could have his picture taken while holding up a bible. When asked by a journalist if it was his bible, he responded "it's a bible".

The small town I grew up in gained a reputation for racism years ago. The leader of the Michigan KKK lived north of town. He and his cronies sowed hatred and caused African Americans to avoid coming here for fear of what might happen to them. As a child, I had no idea that our little town was known for this evil. As an adult, I was appalled to learn the reality. That man died twenty-eight years ago, but the stain on our community endures. This week a woman who works for the state of Michigan posted on social media that the first place in Michigan to burn should be Howell. It is heartbreaking to me to know that my home is viewed in this way. I am at a loss as to how I can help change this.

People of color continue to be murdered at the hands of those who are charged with protecting them. Every white American should feel shame in the face of this reality. We love to think that we are the greatest country on earth, yet America was built on a foundation of genocide and slavery. There is absolutely nothing "great" about that. We try to fool ourselves, distancing from the sins of our forefathers, but the horror goes on and on. Generation after generation. We continue to kneel on the necks of black and brown people. Choking off their opportunities, their hope, their very lives.

DAY 75

I started watching "The Office" again on Netflix. I am pretty sure I watched every season years ago, but I felt a need for something really funny as an antidote to the very un-funny times we are living in. If you have ever worked in an office this show is even funnier. I have worked in several office situations, and one, in particular, was so much like Dunder Mifflin that I can relate to almost every episode. I will not name the company or my co-workers to protect the innocent. At this particular job, I played the role of Pam, the receptionist. Complete with a game of Freecell in the background on my computer screen at all times. The looks that Michael (the boss) gets from his staff are priceless. When you work in an office for a long time, your coworkers become like your big, dysfunctional family. There is always a Dwight who is over the top ridiculous. And an Angela who is uptight and difficult. I have watched all of the first season and am partway through the second, and I laugh out loud during every single one.

I have also been watching the final season of Madam Secretary. I love this show so much, and I really want Elizabeth McCord for president.

DAY 74

It is the last week of school. Most of what the teacher has assigned is what I would call "busy work". A math game, which she played with a classmate. An end of the year Distance Learning Memories activity. Creating a video to talk about their favorite memories of the year. I am usually relieved at the end of the school year, glad to be done with the routine of packing lunches, homework after school, waiting for the bus in the morning and afternoon. This year is so different because we have not done those things for months already. Now I feel like I usually do about the middle of August, anxious for school to start again.

One of the things that has happened here at our house is a more structured schedule of chores for Miss Nine and College Boy. I have randomly enforced chores for years, Now I put all of their chores on a calendar. I taped one to each of their bedroom doors. I also put one on the refrigerator. One of my goals for the summer is to encourage these two to learn more life skills. I realize how much I have done myself because it is easier than trying to get them to do it properly (according to my standards). I am doing them a disservice by not letting them learn from their mistakes. They both have done their own laundry for a long time. Miss Nine actually likes doing it. College Boy usually waits until he has absolutely nothing to wear before he does his. Now that he is staying in the same pajamas for days in a row he can go quite a while before he feels compelled to start a load. They have been taking turns washing and drying/putting away the dishes. They frequently disagree about how this should be done. Miss Nine pays strict attention to what I am making for dinner on the days that she has to wash. She doesn't like a lot of pots and pans. I often have to remind them to come back and wipe off the counters or empty the sink, but they are doing a fine job overall.

I remember hearing once that if your children are not ready to leave home by the time they are eighteen, you haven't done your job. So start those kindergarteners doing their own laundry. You will be glad you did.

DAY 73

Miss Nine and I took a walk to the courthouse after breakfast. On the way we talked about what Memorial Day is about, and how sad it is that we can't have our normal ceremonies to honor our fallen soldiers. At the courthouse, we looked at all of the names and talked about the different wars. Then we sat on a bench and discussed all of the ways that our summer is going to be different this year. She has become a little more accepting of the situation over the last couple of weeks. 

My husband and I went to the cemetery to clean up my family plot. There are seven of us buried there, with room for several more. It has always been a tradition in my family to take good care of the graves of those who have gone before us. On my dad's side, we have a family cemetery out in the country, on land that has been in my family since the early 1800s. Lakeview Cemetery in town is where my mom's side of the family are buried. My maternal grandparents, my mom, her brother, my brother, one sister, and my daughter are all interred there. Today we cleaned up my mom's side. I will do our family cemetery later in the week.